Brown the beef: Heat a large pot or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add the ground beef and cook, breaking it up, until browned and no longer pink.
Drain excess fat if there’s a lot left in the pot.
Sauté aromatics: Reduce heat to medium. Add butter, onion, and celery. Cook 3–4 minutes until softened.
Stir in garlic and cook 30 seconds until fragrant.
Add seasoning and broth: Stir in smoked paprika, mustard, Worcestershire, salt, and pepper. Pour in the broth and bring to a gentle simmer.
Cook the cauliflower: Add cauliflower florets. Simmer 8–10 minutes, until tender.
If you like a thicker, creamier base, use a potato masher to lightly mash some of the cauliflower right in the pot.
Melt in the cream cheese: Lower heat to medium-low. Add the cubed cream cheese and stir until fully melted and smooth. This step makes the soup extra velvety.
Add cream and cheddar: Pour in the heavy cream and bring back to a gentle simmer (do not boil).
Stir in the shredded cheddar a handful at a time until melted and the soup is smooth.
Finish with pickles: Stir in chopped dill pickles for that signature cheeseburger bite. Taste and adjust with more salt, pepper, or mustard if needed.
Garnish and serve: Ladle into bowls and top with green onions, bacon crumbles, extra pickles, and a few drops of hot sauce if you like a little heat.